Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
