I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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