The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
