1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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