how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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