I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
