So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
