You really coming over, don't trick.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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