I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
