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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I painted my nails silver

  (586): View more from Michigan

  And what are the implications of that?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Pussy?

  (586): View more from Michigan

  how

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Wat do u mean how?

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig

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• (631): View more from New York

  dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship

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• (817): View more from Texas

  You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?

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• (714): View more from California

  The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.

  (310): View more from California

  Best. Text. Ever.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.

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• (455): View more from

  You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!

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