It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need a burrito and a hug.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
