there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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