the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
