remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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