Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize