When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
