So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
