The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
