Where did you get a picture of my penis
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
