Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
