Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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