we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
