I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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