we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
