how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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