I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
