The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
