I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
