I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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