so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
