Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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