You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
