I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
