who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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