My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
