Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
