I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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