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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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