If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
