I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
