maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
