there's paper in my vomit.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you didnt know i had herpes?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
