So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
