I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
