I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Can I color on your dick again?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
