my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
