I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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