every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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