I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize