Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
