I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
