she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
