There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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