You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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