please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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