Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have feelings that need drinking.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
