He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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