you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
