we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
