I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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