I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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