i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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