Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
