We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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