and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
