I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize