i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
