I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
